im your huckleberry.

a new place to live. a new red lipstick. a new hair-do and a new brassiere can do wonders for a newly single gals life. you be surprised how uplifting in can be to have an uplifting bra. boobs out. shoulders back. smile painted on.

i decided about a month back that my life needed a re-boot. i didn't want to live in my sad past. hoping that the boy would wake up. remember he loved me and come back. i awoke one morning and realized i just didn't want that life, and i don't think that i wanted it while i was even in it. so, i chopped 3 inches off my hair. moved in with an amazing woman that loves to cook. loves the show's i watch. loves wine. loves the pup. and puts up with my night owl schedule. i bought new clothing and a new bra. turns out i've been wearing the wrong size all these years. who'da thunk? i went out and purchased some new makeup, to paint my once sourpuss into a pretty new and fresh picture. and i felt....refreshed and alive again. i remembered who i was. i remembered having fun. i remembered karaoke. i remembered the amazing women that inspired me on a daily basis and how i hadn't surrounded myself with them nearly enough.

with this post, i bid adieu to this particular blog, too many memories that i cannot bear to look at and still can't bear to completely delete (as it was a very big part of my life and a bigger lesson about growing up) but do not worry. i will be starting a new one fairly soon. this next one will be complete with pictures too. (fingers crossed) if i can ever get myself a camera that is....

so thanks to those that have followed me (all 3 of you) and i shall see you on the other side!!

can i handle the seasons of my life.

well. i've been afraid of changing cause i built my life around you.

the peacock.

my thursday evenings are filled with all my favorite people.
michael scott. leslie knope. and my most favorite and who i want to be when i grow up, Liz Lemon.

singing into a bottle of pinot grigio. wearing a fanny pack to work. an addiction to hard cheese and hot dogs? i think we were meant to be bff's forever. 

maybe it sounds boring and slightly sad. but i enjoy my thursday night 'me' time with the bigs and my favorite people (albeit, they are fictional but i am ok with that)

secret habits.

as of recently i've been obsessing over lifestyle blogs. i love taking peeks into other peoples lives and getting inspired by all the amazing women out there and all that they have to offer.
today i (stalked) read through this girls blog for hours: elsiecake i love, luff, lurve her handmade artwork, her love story and her cute hair and tattoos. not to mention i am in lust with her little shop that she owns with her equally talented friends. so awesome.

i woke up not feeling all that great today so i have been watching cheesy movies all day like 'ps - i love you' and a personal fav of mine 'the holiday' i just love that kate winslet. i also watched 'the client list' and i immediately felt like i should never have said that outloud. but here i am, sharing another secret of my single sad little life. ha! i kid, but i definitely have my single gal behavior that i'd never like others to know about. like when im watching tv or a movie, i run my hand through my hair pulling it straight up and letting it fall haphazardly. i end up looking like the bride of frankenstein. weird weird weird. who knows why, it just feels good.

ps. today i am thankful for janelle monet on the grammys.

wakey wakey, eggs and bakey.

i've never been what one might call, a 'morning' person. it takes me almost a full 3 hours to actually 'wake up' after waking up and getting out of bed. i am the kind of person who needs to decompress before my day even begins. since i work in the service industry, i don't typically have to work till late afternoon/evening. giving me plenty of time for a morning coffee or soda and some tv time to catch up on.
its one of my strange habits. i'd like to be able to just wake up and go. get in the shower. get going. take a run. but, no. i need to curl up with my pup for a solid hour. read my fashion blogs. drink some caffiene and then shower and move on with my day.

my friend Eric has been visiting from Portland with his lovely GF jack, whom i've completely come to love. she's loud. she collects gin. she's my new BFF. its my decision. unfortunately. they live in portland. but fortunately, its not that far of a plane ride and i can't wait to visit them and go to all the extra fun sounding places they told me all about. i've never been to portland and they are (bless their hearts) trying to get me to move there. its not that hard of an accomplishment. i'll move anywhere if people ask me enough times. its another of my strange habits. wandering.

its a beautiful day here. i've spent my hour waking up (while drinking coffee and watching last nights greys anatomy) now its time for a shower and lunch with a bestie.

Weep for yourself, my man, You'll never be what is in your heart...

these are the kind of girls who hang dream catchers above their beds, who eat pomegranates and read old history books for fun. these are the kind of girls who take pictures of their hands with disposable cameras and wallpaper their bathrooms with pretty roses. these girls sketch eyes and mouths and little drawings all over things, they look you right in the eye and almost through you when you speak to them.

these girls camp out in their backyards for fun, they light candles everywhere and if you visit them at home they usually have all sorts of animals. their wardrobes are filled with silk robes and bows and hats, they drink tall glasses of milk and snack on chocolate while they watch the sun rise. these are the kind of girls who ride bikes through the city to the cinema that plays old movies in the middle of the day. they watch “breakfast at tiffany’s” or “rosemary’s baby.”

these are the kind of girls who are quiet in public. they were the kind of girls who put too many marshmallows in their hot chocolate, and when the snow came down, lit the fire, and pretended to be in the north pole. they would watercolor things they couldn’t see and eat french toast for lunch. these girls were the kind of girls who always believed in unicorns, they believed in the power of love and dreams. they were the kind of girls who gazed out of windows at bigger worlds, and rain made them think of faeries and tree houses.

in the summer they read jane austen and listened to fleetwood mac while sipping hot tea. they told ghost stories under huge floral sheets, candles glowing below their faces. the spooky endings made them scream and laugh. they huddled together so they wouldn’t get too scared. these are the girls that didn’t need boys in their lives to achieve happiness.

your girl is lovely, hubbell.

"maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them." - Carrie Bradshaw

I just watched this episode of Sex and the City, the one where Carrie makes the revelation that there are two types of women in this world. the "katie" girls and the "simple" girls. taken from the movie 'the way we were'. katie (ka-ka-ka-katie) was this girl, this complicated, opinionated girl with wild curly hair. the kind of girl that pushed hubbell to be all the man she saw him to be. but hubbell, well...he couldn't take it. so he left her. for this simple girl. with, straight hair.
it sounds silly. but you have to see the movie to understand.
and that is what i have realized. i am a ka-ka-ka-katie girl. i was never meant to be a simple girl. i was never meant to stand on the sidelines cheering someone on. i was supposed to be on the field. running with them. in front of them. behind them. urging them on and have them run with me. in front of me. behind me. urging me on.
and i will settle for nothing less.

because im laid up on the couch...

10 Years Ago...
i was living in new york city. attending acting school. being a hot child in the big city. and scared out of my mind. 

5 things on my to do list...
*put pen to paper more often. 
*learn to make my own jewelry. 
*start my clothing swap with Jane already.
(and thats really all i can think of. partly because i am on pain medication - see below)

5 snacks I enjoy...
*veggie chips with hummus
*sliced avocado with a little salt
*spanakopita with tzantziki
*cheezits
*diet dr pepper

5 favorite things...
*my sweet pup, biggie
*my cowboy boots. 
*my record collection
*my slipper boots (which are very stinky, but i cant bear to part with them)
*did i mention my pup, bigs?

5 places I have lived...
*whittier, ca 
*Manhattan/brooklyn, ny
*philadelphia, pa
*winter park, fl
*long beach, ca. 

5 things most people don't know about me...
*my nervous tic is to rub behind my right ear with my middle finger. 
*i fall all the time, and am constantly covered in bruises, cuts and bumps. and most of the time, i don't know where they come from. 
*i have been in love only once. but i can't wait to be in love again. (and i am really happy that i can say that without shedding a tear.
*i absolutely cannot cook or bake, nor can i sew or am i all that crafty. but i like to believe that i am. 
*my favorite place in the world is new york city (specifically alice's tea room, and sitting on the steps with jane eating the worlds best cookie!!)

happiness is a warm gun.

ten things that make me happy happy happy!!

* when my sweet pup burrows under the blanket i have over my lap to cuddle against my leg.
* diet coke out of a can (not bottle, not glass. can. the can is very important for some reason)
* when people give me bags of clothing that they don't want anymore. thank you new wardrobe.
* buying or receiving new/used books. then sharing those books with friends.
* lounging on the couch watching bad television while its gloomy and rainy outside.
* big hugs.
* getting people fun and quirky little gifts that i know they'll love. (i actually have an addiction to buying
   gifts)
* that time, right before the sun sets.
* my bangs.
* finding the perfect happy hour.            

this too shall pass.

being laid up on the couch with a cracked tailbone and an extremely bruised body makes one very appreciative of all the bad tv out there. i've watch marathons of 'pitbulls and parolees', 'tabatha's salon takeover', and 'how i met your mother'.
i have a pretty battered and bruised body, but those are the prices that you pay for being an extremely clumsy gal. so far in the last year i have: been thrown from a horse, fallen down some stairs and cracked two ribs, fell twice in a matter of 30 minutes in vegas and skinned both knees, i am constantly covered in mysterious bruises and cuts, then on saturday i was walking across a cement floor and my feet went right out from underneath me. slamming into the ground and re-cracking an old injury from about 8 years ago.
here's to life on the couch and grunting or groaning everytime i have to move or get up. but, like i always say: this too shall pass.

I hate girls that giggle all the time... -audrey hepburn.

its finally starting to feel like it is christmas around here. i am curled up in a brand new oversized knit grampa sweater, under a blanket. outside, the rain pours down and inside the lights are all lit. the smells of cinnamon waft through the house. it makes me warm and gooey feeling on the inside.

last night my friend Jessica Fife planned and executed a wonderful party for our group of ladies. it was a clothing exchange/snowglobe making party. so amazing, in my part i took 3 huge trader joe's bags of clothing to exchange and came home with so many wonderful new things (including this sweater, a cute new sailor dress. some purses a great pair of white mocassion booties.) the evening was filled with girl talk. champagne. snowglobe making. and walking home carrying the largest bag of clothing ever.

fife is very tall, plus with her amazing mermaid heels she was even taller and accidently got cut out. whoops!!!

here's steph making her snowglobe, out of mason jars, egg shells, water and glitter! 

mine was a mexican wrestler covered in glitter. nbd. 

and here she is! fife! 

i was in love with my last minute thrown together outfit. very parisian. (you cant see the bottom but it was a tight grey forever 21 skirt with brown tights and my cowboy boots)

all in all it was a really lovely evening, i spent the morning today cleaning the apartment and hanging all of my new clothes up. and i realized....wow. i am almost completely out of room in this closet. uh oh. 

i hope we didn't break, but im glad we broke the rules...

this fur hat was the subject of many a persons night last night. and as i so eloquently put it....its like being slowly suffocated by a beaver. yet. i couldn't pass up the opportunity to wear it all around. i might be in love. (or at least clothing lust!)

today is the day for buffalo exchange runs. drag brunches. harry potter and ladies night. 

thank god for amazing women in my life (and the amazing gays). seriously. thank god. 

so tired of giving a damn about an absent hearted man.

well, there it is. the first big heartbreak of my life, aside from loosing my father.

yes. i got dumped the day after my 29th birthday.
yes. i cried for three days straight.
yes. i am still sad, but i am accepting of it.

i have taken responsibility for my actions in the demise of this relationship. and trust me when i say that i am very much not an innocent bystander.
it is very difficult to say goodbye to someone you love and have spent the last 365 days loving. but it is a lot harder to fight to hold on to someone that needs that time to be free.
i still very much love the boy. and i still very much respect and appreciate him for making me want to better myself as a person not only for him but for me as well.
i believe that the most difficult part of the ending of a relationship is when you lose that person that you called not only your lover, but your best friend.

but, the ending of something always means the beginning of something new and possibly better. and i wish nothing but joy and happiness for the boy. and i hope and believe he wishes nothing but the same for me. i loved our relationship, even through the rough times and i will love the boy till my last breathe. he is nothing but a good man who wanted us to both be happy and i love him even more for that.

love don't come in black and white.

thanksday.

the weather has taken a turn for the chilly here (well, chilly for california).
i write to you under many a blanket with my sweet pup curled against my leg and my laptop whirring on my lap warmly. its the time of year for big thick socks and space heaters.
i spent my week buying my birthday dress, new tights, cooking ducks, eating yorkshire puddings stuffed with brandy soaked peaches and partaking in 2 buck chuck and hot chocolate with ameretto. i was still getting over my wicked cold so the last couple of days were spent wrapped up on the couch trying to stay warm and entertaining myself with the boys netflix instant queue. not a bad relaxing weekend...

ducks. yup. 

lucas and mclean. (roomie) cooking it up. 

the boy and i. mugging. 

welcome to christmas in the barber/fahnstock residence! we bought that white tree at big lots and decorated it with vintage 70's bird ornaments from sweden that mclean found at the goodwill! MAJOR SCORE!!

hot chocolate. mini marshmallows. ameretto. 

work uniforms. big lots. and my favorite new hat. 

angie.leslie and i. 

please don't ask. you can always find many a creepy mask at the boys residence.

awkward picture of my face. but cute of us. 

the roomie and i, and my fav thanksgiving outfit to date

(dress: florida salvation army. sweater/tights/necklace: forever 21. boots: boot barn)

just some love. 

humpday music!

i'd like to introduce you to my new segment - music for a wednesday; or music for a humpday; music that makes you want to hump. yup, i said it. (i always loved the term humpday, i laugh like a 13 year old boy everytime i hear it)

for my first entry i'd like to introduce you to Diane Birch, basically a 60's siren trapped in present day. i am loving the thick bangs, big brimmed hat (which i have been looking for like its my job), the huge cross, the sparkly gloves and the sultry tunes. enjoy!!

(for some reason, blogger won't let me upload the video. so go here for your viewing pleasure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cXyNMoJMbg)

i am henceforth claiming my newest girl crush. 

MINE!

sundays on the phone with monday...

my new haircut makes me want to wear nothing but red lipstick and winged eyeliner at all times.

birthdays. anniversaries and the worlds greatest nachos.

i am currently wrapped on the couch with a runny nose, a horrible headache and chest congestion. bah. its also dropped down about 15 degrees here. not too cold, but cold enough to wrap up in a blanket on the couch and wear socks to bed.
aside from being sick, this was a very fun and eventful weekend. it marked the boy's 30th birthday AND our one year anniversary. funny enough, last year when the boy and i met...i was really sick, almost didn't make it into work sick. thank god i did though, otherwise i never would have met my awesome boy.

we began our weekend with one of the most awesome homemade plates of nachos i've ever had. chargrilled chicken, garbanzo beans, 3 kids of cheese, jalepenos, sliced fresh avocado. and much much more. perfection.

on saturday i took the boy to the loft on broadway for an hour massage. while he was doing that i was getting a fancy new haircut, big thank you to Jessica! i love the hair!!! the boy came out of his massage very relaxed and happy. we hopped in the car and hightailed down to Beachwood BBQ in Seal Beach, its one of our favorite BBQ places around here. AMAZING beer list and really good food. we had Fried Green tomatoes to start and a combo plate of Hot Links, baby back ribs and pulled pork, with blue cheese grits and smoked asparagus on the side. so tasty! after two beers each and a lot of bbq food, the boy and i were ready for nap time. 

yummy chocolate grenache cheesecake and beers!

happy happy boy.

too much food and beer, time for naps.

later that night after much rejuvination and a change into my rainbow knit dress (i completely forgot to take pictures! boo!) we walked down to Congregation Ale House for more amazing beers, and a ribeye burger that is simply to die for. after many good beers and many amazing laughs. we headed home pretty early and i went directly to bed while the boy passed out from too much fun on the couch. 

Yesterday (sunday) we slept in super late, watched a couple episodes of Family Guy and relaxed, ate some bailey truffle balls (made by the roommate extraordinaire Mclean), ate MORE bbq at Johnny Rebs, we really love that pulled pork, had some movie time and went to bed early again. 

all in all, it was a really really lovely weekend. now if only i can loose this cold....

when life hands you lemons, you take pictures.

just a nice sunshiny day

hondurian beer. shortly followed by hondurian food in my mouth.

the boy. "helping" me move. 

a birthday fort.

some lovely wine. 

she is breaking the rules, but she's too cute doing it.

our happy hour companion.

the Gay boyfriend (otherwise known as GBF)

a bestie and an awesome necklace.

this bird really liked our truffle fries. 

a new apartment.

i'll be true to you, oh yeah you know i will.

up with the birds and the santa ana winds today. this dry wind is really doing a number on my sinuses and allergies. although, they happen to usher in my favorite time of year. these warm dry winds bring about the cooler weather. i can't wait for fake california weather! where we can all pretend that its cold enough to bundle up and layer. makes me want to visit new york and have some hot cocoa with some dear friends while staring out a window at the snow softly falling over the city. i've always associated snow and winter with magic. something magic falls through the air and onto your nose and arms. rejuvinating you and bringing you back to life. i suppose its my california born soul. because we don't get snow in this part. always wanting what i can't have.

in other news: i've done almost nothing but work this week. the boy is still hard at work on the feature film. and im still hard at work slinging gyros and falafel. blargh.

in MORE other news: my hair is getting soooo long. i am very excited about this fact, since i typically start having an urge to chop it off right about nowish. but im fighting that urge. i want hair that is long enough that i can just toss up in a bun with no bobby pins required. and jet out the door. maybe its just a dream. but someday!

you can't stop the avalanche as it races down the hill...

i had all these great plans for my weekend. and all of them basically went up in smoke when i got this stuffy nose and bleary eyes. instead, i spent the better part of my weekend sniffling and sleeping. however, i did get to spend some much needed quality time with the boy. he picked me up at 345 am on saturday morning. poor guy had worked from 9 am till then. i on the other hand napped most of that time on my couch waiting for him, while watching old episodes of the real housewives and millionaire matchmaker. we both slept until 2 pm, then spent the next two hours making some pretty awesome tacos. yummo. serious yummo!
i had to hightail it to work, unfortunately. who wants to be at work with a bunch of strangers when you could be cuddled on the couch with your boy that you haven't seen in a week? but thank goodness it was a pretty slow night and i got out early enough to go home and watch a movie with the boy. which actually turned into me watching 'hyperdrive' a great british comedy that you should definitely take part in. after falling asleep on the couch two times, only to be woken up by my sniffles. so i downed some nyquil and hopped into bed at about 12:30. thinking i'd be up when the boy got up at 8:45. which yes, originally happened. i got to kiss him goodbye, wish him a great day and turned over and fell right back to sleep until 1 pm. resulting in me missing my brunch date. what the what? so now i sit here with my homemade baileys and coffee with a dash of cinnamon.

update! girl date totally planned. time for some good giggles. some good cuddles and some lovely lunch!