morning coffee.

i haven't showered in two days.
i dont call that lazy. i call that going green.
i am drinking instant coffee from my favorite california mug.
listening to a new musician called 'jude'
very, jason mraz meets elvis.
i have realized that saturday night live is like, warm milk for me.
normally, i can stay up till 3 in the morning. no problem.
i've always been a night owl.
but if SNL comes on, forget it. im dead asleep. which always upsets me, cause sometimes i want to see it.
like last night, steve martin hosted.
and jason mraz performed.
and i slept. only waking up when charlotte the hyperactive lab decided that licking my face was necessary.

i woke up to a phone call from jane.
waking up to a friends voice is the best feeling in the world.
when she's laughing and ready to have a quick chat.
it causes me to open my eyes and greet the day.
i sat outside in the sun, watched the dogs roll in the dirt
and listened to jane talk to me.
thats what feels right.
morning coffee's with jane.
we used to have those, every morning. in new york. in philly. and in florida.
now we've gone our seperate ways. and while i feel, its good for us.
i miss her more than i could ever miss any man, any lover or any other friend.
we've had some really hard times, but when someone is your family.
you forgive them their flaws. and you move on.
just as she did for me. more than i care to admit.

im still trying to figure out next steps in life.
still waiting on the job.
i've managed to last almost 2 months on the money i got here with.
im down to my last $50.
its scary. but it does prove how little i need to really survive.
which makes me happy.
i love the idea of money.
but i hate the reality of it.
i hate that i have bills to pay, and i want this shirt or that plate.
because i want it. not because i need it.
but, i revert back to being my very minimalist personality.
i DONT need or want that shirt. i have plenty.
i don't need a plate. i live with someone who has a ton of them.
but i do have to pay those bills.
ugh.